107+ Chris Puns to Have You in Stitches!

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Isaiah!

Isaiah who?

Isaiah the future, and I’ve got some christ-tastic puns for you!

Get ready for a holy-arious ride as we dive into the world of Christ puns. From the Crucifixion to the Resurrection, we’ll explore the Bible’s greatest stories with a side of witty wordplay. You’ll laugh, you’ll groan, and you might even learn a thing or two about your faith.

So, let’s get our puns rolling and have a blessed time!**

The Crucifixion: A Nailed-it Moment

1. Hey, did you hear about the carpenter who got nailed on the cross? Talk about a nailed-it moment!
2. Why did the Roman soldiers use metal detectors at the crucifixion? To catch any hidden nails!
3. What do you call a group of crucified criminals? A nail salon! 💅
4. Why couldn’t they give Jesus a proper burial? Because he was already six feet under!
5. Knock knock. Who’s there? Cross. Cross who? Exactly, no one!
6. Why did the Romans crucify Jesus on Easter? Because it was a good Friday to hang someone!
7. What happened when Jesus tried to play the guitar? He got nailed! 🎸
8. What do you get when you cross a carpenter with a criminal? A nailed-it crucifixion!
9. Why did the Romans use vinegar to torture Jesus? Because it was the best way to get his goat!
10. Why did the executioner have to take a nap after the crucifixion? Because he was all nailed out!
11. What do you call a crucified criminal who’s really good at jokes? A nail-biting comedi-nailer!
12. Why did Jesus have to carry his own cross? Because it was too heavy for the donkey to bear the burden! 驮
13. What do you call a Roman soldier who’s always losing his nails? A centurion with a nail problem!
14. How do you know when Jesus is coming back? Because he’s leaving his nails everywhere! 🔨
15. What do you get when you cross a Roman soldier with a carpenter? A nail-driving centurion!
16. Why did Jesus request a crucifixion with extra nails? Because he wanted to make sure it was nailed-it perfect!
17. What’s the difference between a crucified criminal and a pizza? One gets nailed, the other gets topped! 🍕
18. Why couldn’t Mary Magdalene visit Jesus on Easter Sunday? Because she was all nailed up!
19. What do you call a group of crucified criminals who are really good at singing? A nail-biting choir!
20. How do you know when a crucified criminal is from Texas? They’re always wearing cowboy boots! 👢

Jesus’s Wardrobe: It’s Divine, Darling!

• What’s Jesus’s favorite type of music? 🙏 Hymnals!🎵
• Why did Jesus get a hole-in-one? ⛳️ Because he was using divine intervention!
• What do you call a priest with a fear of heights? ⛪️ A steeple-phobe!
• Why did Jesus never get cold? 🧣Because he had a holy spirit! 😇
• What does Jesus wear to the beach? 🏖️ Sandals with holes!
• Why is Jesus so good at basketball? 🏀 Because he can nail it every time! 🏀
• What do you call a group of nuns singing? 🎤 The Choir of Angels!
• Why did Jesus love playing hide-and-seek? 👀 Because he was always the first one found!
• What do you call a group of priests drinking beer? 🍻 A holy hour!
• Why is Jesus’s wardrobe so stylish? 👗Because it’s divine, darling! 💁‍♀️
• What’s Jesus’s favorite type of dance? 🕺✝️ The cross step!
• Why did Jesus get a parking ticket? 🚗 Because he left his chariot in a no-parking zone!
• What do you call a priest who loves to cook? 👩‍🍳 Father Fry!
• Why is Jesus’s wardrobe so organized? 👕👖 Because he’s got a holy closet!
• What’s Jesus’s favorite ice cream flavor? 🍦 Halo Top!😇
• Why is Jesus so good at gardening? 🌿 Because he knows how to grow his disciples!

Mary’s Immaculate Conception: The Ultimate Pregnancy Pun

1. What do you call a baby born on Christmas Eve? A little December surprise. 🤰🎁
2. Why did Mary ask for a pregnancy test? To confirm her immaculate conception. 👼🧪
3. What do you get when you cross a pregnant virgin with a Santa hat? A Mary Christmas. 🎅🤰
4. Why did the pregnant nun have to leave the convent? Because she was expecting a little miracle. 👼🤰
5. What do you call a baby born in a manger? A stable-mate. 🐄🐑👶
6. Why did the baby Jesus have a halo? Because he was born with a high crib-ige. 👼👶🌟
7. What do you call a pregnant sheep? A maternity ewe. 🐑🤰
8. Why did the pregnant duck need a wheelchair? Because she was egg-specting. 🦆🤰♿️
9. What do you call a baby born with a silver spoon in its mouth? A lucky charm. 👶🥄🍀
10. Why did the pregnant snowman melt? Because he was having a heat wave. ⛄️🤰☀️
11. What do you call a baby born blind? A little peep. 🐥👶👀
12. Why did the pregnant turtle cross the road? To get to the other shell. 🐢🤰🐢
13. What do you call a pregnant hamster with a big butt? A mama-sized mouse. 🐹🤰🐭
14. Why did the pregnant cow moo? Because she was expecting a little calf. 🐄🤰🐮
15. What do you call a pregnant fish? A roe-boat. 🐟🤰🚣‍♂️
16. Why did the pregnant lady need a traffic cone? Because she was expecting a round-about. 🤰🚧
17. What do you call a pregnant snail? A mom-o-lusk. 🐌🤰🐌
18. Why did the pregnant lady buy a clock? Because she was expecting time to fly. 🤰🕰⌛️
19. What do you call a pregnant woman who’s always hungry? A bun in the oven-eater. 🍞🤰👩‍🍳
20. Why did the pregnant woman go to the beach? To get some sea-leg room. 🤰🌊🏖

The Last Supper: A Bread-ing Ground for Puns

1. Why did the bread laugh when the priest walked into the room? Because he was unleavened.
2. What do you call a bread that’s always in a bad mood? A sourdough.
3. Why are bread puns so crumby? Because they’re all dough-y. 🍞
4. What do you call a bread that’s always telling jokes? A loaf of comedy.
5. Why did the baguette go to the doctor? It needed a yeast infection.
6. What do you call a bread that’s always getting into trouble? A rebel with a yeast.
7. Why did the bread get lost in the forest? Because it took the wrong turn at crust.
8. What do you call a bread that’s always complaining? A whinny loaf.
9. Why did the bread cross the road? To get to the other yeast side. 🍞
10. What do you call a bread that’s always late? A tardy loaf.
11. Why did the bread get arrested? For being a baker-y felon.
12. What do you call a bread that’s always in the sun? A toasted loaf.
13. Why did the bread go to the gym? To get its buns in shape. 🍞
14. What do you call a bread that’s always in a good mood? A happy chapati.
15. Why did the bread get a divorce? Because it was tired of being kneaded.
16. What do you call a bread that’s always making mistakes? A crusty old crouton.
17. Why did the bread get a speeding ticket? Because it was caught rye-ing.
18. What do you call a bread that’s always getting into fights? A dough-boy.
19. Why did the bread get a tattoo? Because it wanted to bee-rye cool. 🍞
20. What do you call a bread that’s always in a hurry? A fast food croissant.

Moses’s Parting of the Red Sea: A Splitting Image

1. What did Moses use to part the Red Sea? A magic wand-er.
2. Why did Moses get a phone call from the Red Sea? It was tide.
3. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!🐟
4. Why didn’t the Red Sea look very scary? Because it was just a little tide.
5. What did Moses say when he saw the Red Sea? “Sea ya later!”
6. Why did Moses take a GPS to the Red Sea? He wanted to find his way outta there.
7. What do you call a fish with no eyes that can’t swim? Fsh out of water.🐟
8. Why didn’t Moses invite the crabs to his party? Because they were all shellfish.🦀
9. What did the fish say when he swam into the Red Sea? “It’s a little wet in here!”
10. Why was Moses so good at playing hide-and-seek? Because he could split into two seas.
11. What did the Red Sea say to Moses? “You’ve got to be kidding me! I just got parted!”
12. Why didn’t the Red Sea wear a belt? Because it wanted to let down its pants.
13. What do you call a fish with no eyes that can’t swim and has no gills? Still Fsh.🐟
14. Why did Moses take a wetsuit to the Red Sea? In case he got caught in a seagull.
15. What do you call a fish with no eyes that can’t swim and has no gills that is frozen? Ice fsh.🐟
16. Why didn’t the Red Sea like going to the movies? Because it was always getting wet.
17. What did Moses use to cross the Red Sea? A sea horse.
18. Why did the Red Sea get a nose job? Because it wanted to look its best for Moses.
19. What do you call a fish with no eyes that can’t swim, has no gills, and is frozen and cooked? Fish sticks.🐟
20. Why didn’t Moses want to take a bath in the Red Sea? Because he didn’t want to get his Red C’s wet!

Jonah and the Whale: A Fishy Tale with a Punny Twist

• Why did Jonah go to sea? To find his sole-mate!
• What did Jonah ask the whale? “Can you spare a light? I can’t whale-y see in here.”
• Why was Jonah so friendly with the whale? Because they had a whale of a time together! 🐳
• What did Jonah say when he got out of the whale? “I have been whale-sitting!”
• Why did the whale need a babysitter? Because it had a little “whale-rus”!
• What do you call a whale that’s always bragging? A blow-hard!
• Why did Jonah bring a flashlight into the whale? To “whale-come” the darkness!
• What did the fish say when it saw Jonah? “Jonah, you’re a whale of a guy!” 🐳
• Why did the whale cross the road? To get to the other tide!
• What did the whale say to Jonah after he swallowed him? “Have a whale of a time!”
• Why did Jonah want to go inside the whale? Because he thought it was a fish-tank!
• What did Jonah say to the whale when it finally spit him out? “Thanks for letting me ‘whale’ in there!”
• Why was Jonah a good swimmer? Because he had a whale of a stroke!
• What do you call a whale that can’t sing? A tone-deaf whale!
• Why did Jonah get lost in the whale? Because he took a wrong turn at the “whale-come” mat!
• What did Jonah say when the whale sneezed? “Whale-loo!”
• Why did the whale go to the doctor? Because it had a sore “whale-o!” 🐳
• What do you call a whale that’s always getting into trouble? A “whale-iant!”
• Why did Jonah get a cold? Because he kept getting “whale-d” by the waves!
• What did the whale say to Jonah when he asked for a “whale-come” back massage? “It’s on the ‘whale-house!'”

Noah’s Ark: A Flood of Puns

1. What did Noah say when the animals started to board the Ark? “Get ready for a flood of puns!”
2. Why was Noah’s Ark so organized? Because the animals were “oar”-ganized! 🌨️
3. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! 🐟
4. What do you call a fish with no eyes that just swam into a wall? Dory-mation!
5. What do you call a fish with no eyes that just swam into a wall and turned around? A blind flounder!
6. What do you call a fish with no eyes that just swam into a wall and turned around and swam into another wall? The same flounder! 😂
7. What do you call a fish with no eyes that just swam into a wall and turned around and swam into another wall and then swam into another wall? Wall-eye! 🦮
8. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato!
9. What do you call a kangaroo that can’t jump? A pouch potato couch potato!
10. What do you call a kangaroo that can’t jump and is always hungry? A pouch potato hungry for adventure! 😋
11. What did the kangaroo say to its baby when it was born? “Hoppy birthday!”
12. What do you call a kangaroo that’s always sharing? A pouch-eful-of-laughs!
13. What do you call a kangaroo that’s always on the go? A pouch-et of speed!
14. What do you call a kangaroo that’s always in trouble? A pouch-ful-of-punishment! 🚸
15. What do you call a kangaroo that’s always making excuses? A pouch-ful-of-regrets!
16. What do you call a kangaroo that’s always losing its way? A pouch-ful-of-misdirections! 🗺️
17. What do you call a kangaroo that’s always making people laugh? A pouch-ful-of-smiles! 😊
18. What do you call a kangaroo that’s always getting new friends? A pouch-ful-of-new-connections! 🤝
19. What do you call a kangaroo that’s always up for anything? A pouch-ful-of-adventure! ⛰️
20. What do you call a kangaroo that’s always making people smile? A pouch-ful-of-sunshine! ☀️

The Parable of the Prodigal Son: A Pun-ishing Father

1. This father-son pun-off is a real prodigal-ity.
2. The father was so punny, he made his son laugh so hard he split his sides.
3. The son couldn’t resist the urge to pun-ish his father.
4. When the son asked for forgiveness, the father said, “I’m not going to let you off the hook so easily.” 🐟
5. The father’s puns were so bad, they made the son want to run away from home.
6. The son’s puns were so good, they made the father want to hug him and squeeze him.
7. The son said to the father, “I’ve come to my senses and realized that your puns are the best.”
8. The father replied, “That’s great news, son. I’m so glad you’ve finally seen the light.”
9. The son said to the father, “I’m so sorry I ever doubted your puns.”
10. The father said, “It’s okay, son. I forgive you. After all, I’m your father.”
11. The son said to the father, “I’m going to go out and tell the world about your hilarious puns.”
12. The father said, “I’m so proud of you, son. I know you’re going to make me laugh for the rest of my life.” 💪
13. The son said to the father, “I’m so glad I’m your son.”
14. The father said, “I’m so glad you’re my son, too.”
15. The son said to the father, “I love you, Dad.”
16. The father said, “I love you too, son.”
17. The son said to the father, “I’m so happy to be back home.”
18. The father said, “I’m so happy you’re back home, too.”
19. The son said to the father, “I’m going to go get some rest now.”
20. The father said, “Sleep well, son.”

The Wise Men’s Gifts: Puns from the Magi

1. What did the first Wise Man say when he saw the star? “Follow that star!”
2. What did the second Wise Man say when he saw the baby Jesus? “He’s a real lifesaver!” 🎁
3. What did the third Wise Man say when he saw the gold, frankincense, and myrrh? “That’s a wise investment!”
4. What did the angel say to the Wise Men? “You’re in for a long flight!” ✈️
5. What did the Wise Men bring back from Bethlehem? “Souvenirs!” 🛍️
6. What did the Wise Men say when they found Jesus in the manger? “We’ve been stablemates!” 🐎
7. What did the Wise Men call their new GPS device? “The Magi-finder!”
8. What did the Wise Men say when they got lost in the desert? “We’re lost in the Wise!” 🗺️
9. What did the Wise Men say when they finally found the baby Jesus? “We’ve been searching for the Wise Guy!”
10. What did the Wise Men say when they saw the shepherds at the Nativity scene?
    “Hey, look! It’s the baa-d to the bone guys!” 🐑
11. What did the Wise Men say when they saw the three kings? “We’ve got more Wise Guys than a comedy club!” 🃏
12. What did the Wise Men say when they saw the star of Bethlehem? “It’s a sign from the Wise Guys in the sky!” 🌟
13. What did the Wise Men say when they saw the donkey? “Hey, who let the Wise Ass in?” 🐴
14. What did the Wise Men say when they saw the camel? “Hey, look! It’s the Wise-mobile!” 🐪
15. What did the Wise Men say when they saw the frankincense? “This smells like a Wise-prise!”
16. What did the Wise Men say when they saw the gold? “Hey, look! It’s Wise-coin!” 🪙
17. What did the Wise Men say when they saw the myrrh? “This is a Wise-take!”
18. What did the Wise Men say when they saw the shepherds? “Hey, look! It’s the Wise Guys with the sheep!” 🐑
19. What did the Wise Men say when they saw the manger? “Hey, look! It’s the Wise-crib!” 🛏️
20. What did the Wise Men say when they saw the baby Jesus? “Hey, look! It’s the Wise Kid!” 👶

The Transfiguration: A Punny Transformation

1. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! 👀
2. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer! 👀
3. What do you call a kangaroo with no arms? A pouch Potato! 🦘
4. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! 🐄
5. What do you call a bird with no wings? A walkin’ bird! 🐦
6. What do you call a tree with no leaves? A stick! 🌳
7. What do you call a car with no wheels? A car-pet! 🚗
8. What do you call a cloud with no rain? A dry spell! ☁️
9. What do you call a snake with no head? A tail! 🐍
10. What do you call a computer with no keyboard? A desk-top! 💻
11. What do you call a fish with no tail? A fish-stick! 🐟
12. What do you call a pizza with no cheese? A bread-stick! 🍕
13. What do you call a dog with no legs? A hot dog! 🌭
14. What do you call a pencil with no lead? A pointless pencil! ✏️
15. What do you call a book with no pages? A book-end! 📚
16. What do you call a car with no engine? A push-button car! 🚗
17. What do you call a person with no arms? A hug-less person! 🤗
18. What do you call a horse with no legs? A hobby horse! 🐎
19. What do you call a tree with no branches? A stump! 🌳
20. What do you call a person with no brain? A head-less person! 👤

The Resurrection: A Pun-derful Return

1. Why did the Easter bunny hide its eggs? Because it wanted to have a cracking good time! 🐣
2. What do you call a rabbit with no ears? None of my business! 🐰
3. Hey, I’ve got a joke for you about Easter… but it’s egg-celent! 🥚
4. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! 🦘
5. Why did the kangaroo lose its job? Because it was caught jumping to conclusions! 🦘
6. What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud! 🐑
7. Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station! 🐢⛽️
8. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! 🐟
9. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! 🌾🥇
10. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! 🐄
11. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! 🍅🥗
12. What do you call a bird with no feathers? A walking turkey! 🦃
13. Why did the computer sneeze? Because it had a virus! 💻🤧
14. What do you call a tree that can’t stop talking? A chatterbox! 🌳🗣️
15. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one! ⛳️👖
16. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick! 🪃
17. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired! 🚲💤
18. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind as a bat! 🦇🐟
19. Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t a chicken! 🦃🐔

The Second Coming: A Punny Apocalypse

1. What do you call a pun that’s out of this world? An interstellar pun ☄️
2. Why did the pun cross the road? To get to the other joke!
3. What do you call a pun that’s too short? A micro-pun!
4. What do you call a pun that’s a little too long? A pun-ishment!
5. Why did the pun get lost? Because it didn’t have a punchline!
6. What do you call a pun that’s a real head-scratcher? A pun-undrum!
7. What do you call a pun that’s a little too cheesy? A pun-tastic!
8. What do you call a pun that’s a little too corny? A pun-ny joke!
9. What do you call a pun that’s a little too dark? A pun-derworld!
10. What do you call a pun that’s a little too spicy? A pun-dit!
11. What do you call a pun that’s a little too confusing? A pun-derful mystery!
12. What do you call a pun that’s a little too silly? A pun-believable!
13. What do you call a pun that’s a little too clever? A pun-derful mind!
14. What do you call a pun that’s a little too lame? A pun-derachiever! 😅
15. What do you call a pun that’s a little too obvious? A pun-derstatement!
16. What do you call a pun that’s a little too overused? A pun-demic!
17. What do you call a pun that’s a little too serious? A pun-ishment!
18. What do you call a pun that’s a little too risky? A pun-dertaker!
19. What do you call a pun that’s a little too punny? A pun-derful world!
20. What do you call a pun that’s a little too perfect? A pun-derful coincidence! 🌈

The Saints: A Punny Bunch

1. How do the Saints get around? On halos! 😎
2. What do you call a Saint with a bad attitude? A sinner!
3. Why are Saints so good at hiding? Because they’re always covered in grace! 🙏
4. What’s a Saint’s favorite dessert? Holy ice cream!
5. What do you call a Saint who’s always late? A slow poke! 🦥
6. Why are Saints so calm in the face of danger? Because they have the grace of God!
7. What do you call a Saint who’s always getting into trouble? A halo-hooligan!
8. What’s a Saint’s favorite thing to do on the weekend? Halo-surfing! 🏄‍♂️
9. Why did the Saint cross the road? To get to the other side of the street!
10. What do you call a Saint who’s always breaking rules? A holy terror! 👿
11. Why are Saints so good at keeping secrets? Because they’re always sworn to silence! 🤐
12. What do you call a Saint who’s always singing? A holy roller! 🎶
13. Why are Saints so good at making coffee? Because they have the holy grounds! ☕
14. What do you call a Saint who’s always getting lost? A holy wanderer!
15. Why are Saints so good at playing basketball? Because they have the slam-dunking ability! 🏀
16. What do you call a Saint who’s always giving advice? A holy counselor! 🎓
17. Why are Saints so good at gardening? Because they have a green thumb! 🌱
18. What do you call a Saint who’s always making people laugh? A holy comedian! 🤣
19. Why are Saints so good at playing golf? Because they have a hole-in-one-ness with God! ⛳️
20. What do you call a Saint who’s always getting into accidents? A holy kamikaze! ✈️

The Devil: A Pun-isher in Disguise

1. The devil’s sense of humor is so dark, it’s almost a charcoal drawing.
2. You could say the devil is a bit of a pun-isher, always ready with a sharp retort.
3. The devil’s favorite horror movie? “The Ex-orcist.” 😅
4. What do you call a demon who’s always making you laugh? A hell-arious jester.
5. When the devil gets his horns tangled, he calls the “de-tangler.”
6. What do you get when you cross a devil and a snake? A slippery pun-isher.
7. The devil’s favorite karaoke song? “Hells Bells” by AC/DC.
8. What do you call a devil with a bad temper? A hell-raiser.
9. Why did the devil open a comedy club? To punish those who didn’t laugh.
10. When the devil’s feeling down, he watches “Devil Wears Prada” for a good cry.
11. What do you call a devil who’s a stickler for the rules? A lawyer from hell.
12. The devil’s favorite game show? “Deal or No Hell.”
13. Why did the devil get a job as a chef? To make dishes so hot, they’d send you straight to hell.
14. What do you call a devil who’s always cold? A below-freezing point.
15. The devil’s favorite pastime? Playing with fire. 🔥
16. What do you call a devil who’s always bragging? A hell-bent show-off.
17. The devil’s favorite drink? A hell-martini.
18. Why did the devil get a tattoo? To show off his “ink-fernity.”
19. What do you call a devil who’s a master of disguise? A hell-ucinating actor.
20. The devil’s favorite dating app? “Hell-o.”