126+ Bond Puns to Leave You Shaken, Not Stirred!

Get ready to unleash your inner secret agent and dive into the martini-soaked world of Bond puns! In this tantalizing blog, we’ll serve you a shaken (not stirred) concoction of hilarious wordplay inspired by the iconic James Bond franchise.From the suave tones of Sean Connery to the charming wit of Daniel Craig, Bond has always been a master of quick-fire quips and sly one-liners. And now, it’s your turn to channel your inner 007 and unleash a barrage of puns that will have you laughing like a villain.Whether you’re a seasoned Bond aficionado or a newcomer to the world of espionage, our collection of puns will leave you Aston Martin-ished. We’ve scoured the archives of MI6 and beyond to bring you the very best Bond-themed puns, each guaranteed to make you double-oh-laugh.So, grab your vodka martini (shaken, not stirred, of course) and prepare to embark on a pun-tastic journey through the world of James Bond. Let’s get this Spectre-tacular party started!

Shaken, Not Stirred: Bond Puns for the Ages

1. Why did James Bond get lost at the library? Because he couldn’t find the spy-nal section!
2. What do you call a Bond villain with a runny nose? A snivel agent! 🔫
3. Why are Bond’s suits so expensive? Because they’re tailored to kill! 🤵‍♂️
4. What do you call a Bond girl who’s always late? A double-oh-late agent! ⏰
5. Why did James Bond get a job as a bartender? To serve up shaken, not stirred martinis! 🍸
6. What do you call a Bond villain who’s allergic to cats? A pussy-galore! 🐈
7. Why did James Bond go to the optometrist? Because he couldn’t see the enemy in his sights! 👀
8. What do you call a Bond villain who’s always trying to make a quick buck? A gold-finger! 💰
9. Why did James Bond join a rock band? Because he wanted to be a double-oh-seven!🎸
10. What do you call a Bond villain who’s always getting into trouble? A double-trouble agent! 🤔
11. Why did James Bond get a library card? To check out all the spy novels! 📚
12. What do you call a Bond villain who’s always losing his keys? A lock-out agent! 🔑
13. Why did James Bond go to the dentist? Because he needed a root canal! 🦷
14. What do you call a Bond villain who’s always making puns? A jokester agent! 🃏
15. Why did James Bond get a job as a lifeguard? To save people from being double-oh-drowned! 🌊
16. What do you call a Bond villain who’s always trying to take over the world? A world-domination agent! 🌍
17. Why did James Bond go to a pet store? To buy a license to kill a puppy! 🐶
18. What do you call a Bond villain who’s always getting caught? A double-oh-busted agent! 🚔
19. Why did James Bond go to the hardware store? To buy some double-oh-hammer nails! 🔨
20. What do you call a Bond villain who’s always trying to get rich quick? A get-rich-quick-or-die-trying agent! 🤑

Bond, James Bond Puns: Licensed to Hilariousness

1. What do you call a secret agent who’s always late? James Behind.
2. Why did James Bond run out of soap? Because he was always shaken, not stirred.
3. What do you call a lazy spy? James Snoozed.
4. Why did James Bond get a speeding ticket? Because he was driving in his Aston Martini.
5. What’s James Bond’s favorite drink? A martini, shaken, not stirred… shaken because he’s always on the go!
6. Why did James Bond join a dance class? To get his kicks.
7. What do you call a secret agent who loves to go fishing? Rodger.
8. What do you call a secret agent who’s always broke? An un-bond agent.
9. Why did James Bond get a hair dryer? To blow his cover.
10. What do you call a secret agent who’s always getting lost? Agent Orange.
11. What do you call an undercover spy who works at a supermarket? A secret shopper.
12. What do you call an agent who’s always on the lookout? A spy cisco.
13. What do you get when you cross a secret agent with a robot? A spy bot.
14. What do you call a spy who’s always getting into trouble? An accident prone.
15. What do you call a spy who’s always getting lost? A directionless agent.
16. What do you call a spy who’s always getting caught? A trap star.
17. What do you call a spy who’s always getting fired? A hot head.
18. What do you call a spy who’s always getting promoted? A rising star.
19. What do you call a spy who’s always getting demoted? A falling star.
20. What do you call a spy who’s always getting passed over? A bench warmer.

For Your Eyes Only: The Best Bond Puns You’ll Ever See

• Does James Bond have a favorite store? MI6 Plus
• What does James Bond order at Starbucks? A double-0セブン (seven)
• What’s James Bond’s favorite type of pizza? Agent 00-meat
• Why did James Bond get a cold? Because he was caught in a missile-toe
• What’s James Bond’s favorite type of music? Spy-mphony
• What’s James Bond’s favorite fruit? Goldeneye
• Why did James Bond quit the casino? Because he lost his license to gamble
• What’s James Bond’s favorite type of dance? The shaken, not stirred
• Why is it hard to serve James Bond cake? Because he’s always on the go
• What does James Bond say when he’s bragging about his new car? “It’s a license to drive”
• Why did James Bond get lost in the desert? Because he didn’t have a compass-sun
• What’s James Bond’s favorite type of coffee? Spy-resso
• Why doesn’t James Bond like to go to the beach? Because he’s afraid of getting sand in his tuxedo
• What’s James Bond’s favorite type of exercise? Agent orange
• Why did James Bond fail his driving test? Because he parked in a handicap zone
• What does James Bond say when he’s angry? “You only live once”
• Why did James Bond get a speeding ticket? Because he was too fast and furious
• What’s James Bond’s favorite type of cheese? Mousetrap
• Why is James Bond so good at playing poker? Because he always has an ace up his sleeve

The World is Not Enough: Infinite Bond Puns

1. Why did the spy need a disguise? Because he was on a secret Bond mission. 🍸
2. What do you call a spy who always gets caught? A double-0-doh! 🤦‍♂️
3. Why did James Bond go to the doctor? Because he needed a license to heal! 🩺
4. What do you call a Bond villain with a sweet tooth? A jawbreaker! 🍬
5. Why did M send James Bond to the grocery store? To buy a license to dill! 🥒
6. What do you call a Bond girl who’s always late? A tardy martini! ⏰🍹
7. Why did James Bond get a new car? Because his Aston Martin went missing! 🚗💨
8. What do you call a Bond villain with a bad attitude? A grumpy old bond! 😠
9. Why did Bond decide to retire? Because he was tired of being in the spotlight! 🙄
10. What do you call a Bond villain who’s always cold? A frosty reception! ❄️
11. Why did Q give James Bond a new gadget? To help him get out of a sticky situation! 🧲
12. What do you call a Bond girl who’s always in trouble? A damsel in distress distress! 🆘
13. Why did James Bond get a new suit? Because the old one was too revealing! 👔
14. What do you call a Bond villain who loves to gamble? A high roller! 🎲
15. Why did James Bond need a new watch? Because the old one kept getting stolen! ⌚
16. What do you call a Bond villain who’s always late? A procrastinator! ⌛
17. Why did James Bond go to the dentist? Because he needed a new crown! ✨🦷
18. What do you call a Bond girl who’s always getting into trouble? A troublemaker! 🧨
19. Why did James Bond get a new car? Because the old one was too slow! 🏎️
20. What do you call a Bond villain who’s always complaining? A whiner! 🗣️

Tomorrow Never Dies: Bond Puns to Live and Let Die For

1. What do you call a spy who hates wearing ties? A double-0-neck agent.
2. Why did the secret agent cross the road? To get to the other espionage.
3. What’s the difference between a spy and a taxi driver? One’s an undercover operative, and the other’s an over-the-cover operative.
4. Why did the spy get lost in the museum? Because he took the wrong turn at the heist-orical artifact.
5. What do you call a spy who’s always getting into trouble? A secret agent provocateur.
6. Why did the spy get a traffic ticket? For driving in the fast lane with a tail.
7. What do you call a spy who’s always late? Agent procrastinator.
8. Why did the spy join the circus? To find out who was running the three-ring circus.
9. What do you call a spy who’s always on the lookout for trouble? A danger ranger.
10. Why did the spy plant a rose garden? To sow some intel-igence.
11. What do you call a spy who’s always getting lost? A GPS-less wonder.
12. Why did the spy cross the sea? To get to the other CIA.
13. What do you call a spy who’s always on the edge of his seat? An agent provocateur.
14. Why did the spy get a sunburn? Because he was undercover for too long.
15. What do you call a spy who’s always getting caught? A blunder agent.
16. Why did the spy get a tattoo? To show off his under-cover.
17. What do you call a spy who’s always late to meetings? Agent procrastination.
18. Why did the spy get a pet hamster? To have a secret agent hamster. 🧠
19. What do you call a spy who’s always getting into trouble? An undercover operative.
20. Why did the spy join the choir? To sing some high-spy tunes.

Casino Royale: Puns Fit for a High-Stakes Game

1. Why did the gambler get thrown out of the casino? Because he was caught cheating on his Blackjack.
2. What do you call a poker player who always loses? A flush down the toilet.
3. Why did the roulette wheel go to rehab? Because it was addicted to spinning.
4. What’s the difference between a poker player and a magician? One uses sleight of hand, and the other uses slight of money.
5. Why did the slot machine give up gambling? Because it was always broke.
6. What do you call a casino that’s always winning? A “cash-cow-sino”.
7. Why did the poker chip get a sunburn? Because it was always facing the sun.
8. What do you call a blackjack dealer who’s always smiling? A “grin-and-bear-it” dealer.
9. What do you call a roulette player who’s always losing? A “Lady Luck’s stepchild”.
10. Why did the blackjack dealer get fired? Because he was caught dealing from the bottom of the deck.
11. What do you call a poker player who’s always bluffing? A “bluffoon”.
12. Why did the roulette ball get a speeding ticket? Because it was caught rolling too fast. 🎰
13. What do you call a slot machine that’s always paying out? A “money-maker”.
14. Why did the poker player get a sunburn? Because he was always looking at the flop. 😎
15. What do you call a blackjack dealer who’s always dealing aces? A “lucky charm”.
16. Why did the roulette wheel get addicted to gambling? Because it kept hitting the jackpot.
17. What do you call a poker player who’s always winning? A “card shark”.
18. Why did the slot machine get a cold? Because it was always blowing air.
19. What do you call a blackjack dealer who’s always losing? A “loser”.
20. Why did the poker player get a tattoo? Because he wanted to “raise the stakes”. 🃏

Quantum of Solace: Bond Puns That Will Keep You on the Edge

1. What do you call a quantum entanglement joke? Schrödinger’s pun.
2. Why was the electron in the Quantum of Solace? It was trying to bond with its energy levels.
3. What do you say to a spy with a quantum computer? ⚛️ You’ve got the Q in your eye.
4. Why didn’t the quantum Bond villain get enough sleep? He kept having quantum nightmares.
5. What do you call an agent who uses quantum mechanics to escape? A superposition double agent.
6. Why did the subatomic particle go to the Quantum of Solace? It wanted to get its Higgs boson on.
7. What’s the difference between a regular Bond film and a Quantum Bond film? One’s in 3D, the other’s in 4D superposition.
8. Why is the Quantum of Solace so chaotic? Because it’s filled with entangled quantum states.
9. What do you call a quantum Bond that’s always on the go? A Quantum of Motion. 💨
10. Why did the photon get lost in the Quantum of Solace? Because it couldn’t find its wavefunction.
11. What do you call a Bond who’s also a theoretical physicist? A Quantum of Cold Fusion.
12. Why did the quantum Bond villain keep losing his keys? Because he was in a constant state of uncertainty.
13. What did the entangled electron say to the other entangled electron? ⚡”I’m feeling our potential.”
14. Why didn’t the antiparticle in the Quantum of Solace get along with the others? Because it was always the opposite of everything.
15. What do you call a Bond who knows all about quantum mechanics? A Quantum of Solace Communicator.
16. Why did the quantum Bond villain lose his mind? Because he tried to comprehend the true nature of reality.
17. What do you call a Bond who’s always disappearing and reappearing? A Quantum of Probability.
18. Why did the quantum Bond film get such good reviews? Because it was in a superposition of being both good and bad.
19. What do you call a Bond who’s obsessed with time travel? A Quantum of Timelessness.
20. Why did the quantum Bond villain always wear sunglasses? Because he couldn’t stand the uncertainty of visible light. 🕶

Skyfall: Puns That Will Make You Soar with Laughter

1. What do you call a bird that can fly backwards? A swallow 👋
2. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh 🐟
3. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman ⛄
4. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef 🐄
5. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea 🦌
6. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick 🪃
7. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time ⌛
8. What do you call a fish that swims backwards? A backstroker 🏊‍♂️🐟
9. What do you call a kangaroo that can’t jump? A pouch potato 🦘
10. What do you call a moth that can’t fly? A landline 蛾
11. What do you call a tree that can’t stop talking? A chatterbox 🌳
12. What do you call a cow that loves to dance? A hoofstepper 🐄💃
13. What do you call a fish with no sense of direction? A lost sole 🐟
14. What do you call a frog that’s always happy? A ribbiting comedian 🐸
15. What do you call a tree that’s always getting into trouble? A barker 🌳
16. What do you call a cloud that looks like cotton candy? A sweet tooth ☁️
17. What do you call a dog that can’t bark? A hush puppy 🐶
18. What do you call a fish that can sing? A tuna-tuner 🐟🎵
19. What do you call a cow that’s always on the go? A movin’ bovine 🐄
20. What do you call a snowman that’s always cold? A freezer bunny ⛄

Spectre: Puns That Will Haunt You

1. What do you call a ghost that’s always getting into trouble? A boo-hoo.
2. Why did the ghost go to the doctor? He was feeling a little boo-ger.
3. What do you call a ghost with a bad attitude? A grouch.
4. 👻 Why did the ghost cross the road? To get to the other side.
5. What do you call a ghost that can’t tell jokes? A dead-beat.
6. What do you get when you cross a ghost with a sinner? A holy sheet.
7. Why did the ghost get lost? He didn’t have a sheet! 👻
8. What do you call a ghost that loves to eat? A ghoulish gourmet.
9. Why was the ghost so lonely? Because he was all wrapped up in himself.
10. What do you call a ghost that’s always taking pictures? A phantom photographer.
11. Why did the ghost go to the library? To check out some BOO-ks!
12. What do you call a ghost that’s always late? A procrastinator.
13. Why did the ghost get a job at the post office? Because he was good at sorting the mail.
14. What do you call a ghost that’s always trying to scare people? A boo-tiful menace.
15. Why did the ghost cross the road twice? Because he wanted a double scare. 👻
16. What do you call a ghost that’s always getting into trouble? A boo-hoo.
17. Why did the ghost go to the doctor? He was feeling a little boo-ger.
18. What do you call a ghost with a bad attitude? A grouch.
19. Why did the ghost cross the road? To get to the other side.
20. What do you call a ghost that can’t tell jokes? A dead-beat.

No Time to Die: Bond Puns That Will Make You Laugh Until You Drop

1. Why did Bond need new tires? Because his treads were getting old!
2. What do you call a spy who’s always in trouble? A double-crosser! 🍸
3. Why did the secret agent get promoted? Because he was good at undercover work!
4. What do you call a spy who works for the competition? An anti-hero!
5. Why did the spy wear a tuxedo? Because he was on a “shaken, not stirred” mission! 🤵‍♂️
6. What do you call a secret agent who’s always getting into trouble? A loose cannon!
7. Why did the spy get a new car? Because he was tired of his old double-agent! 🚗
8. What does James Bond put on his toast? 00-Spread! 🍞
9. Why did the spy cross the road? To get to the “other side” of the mission! 🎯
10. What do you call a spy who’s always late? A procrastinating agent! ⌛️
11. Why did the spy get lost? Because he was following a red herring! 🐟
12. What do you call a spy who’s always on the move? A ro-agent! 🏃‍♂️
13. What do you call a spy who’s always breaking things? An undercover klutz! 🛠️
14. Why did the spy join the circus? Because he wanted to be a secret agent! 🎪
15. What do you call a spy who’s always in disguise? A chameleon! 🦎
16. Why did the spy get a dog? Because he wanted to be a “hound” agent! 🐶
17. What do you call a spy who’s always making mistakes? A double-oops agent! 🫢
18. Why did the spy get a new haircut? Because he was trying to “comb” the competition! ✂️
19. What do you call a spy who’s always getting caught? A trap-star! 🪤
20. Why did the spy get a new suit? Because he wanted to look “sharp” on his mission! 🕴️

The Spy Who Loved Me: Bond Puns That Will Get You Hooked

1. Q: What’s Bond’s favorite type of martini? A: Shaken, not stirred, of course!
2. Q: Why did Bond take an umbrella to the spy convention? A: To repel villains!
3. Q: What do you call Bond’s car when it’s parked? A: Aston parked!
4. Q: Why was Bond’s dinner at the restaurant so successful? A: Because they had a secret agent sauce!
5. Q: What does Bond use to get rid of his bad breath? A: Agent breath mints!
6. Q: Why did Bond leave the casino craps table? A: Because he was rolling snake eyes!
7. Q: What do you call Bond’s favorite vacation spot? A: The Isle of Spying! 🕵️‍♀️
8. Q: Why did Bond get a new passport? A: Because his old one was compromised!
9. Q: What’s Bond’s favorite cheese? A: Brie-tish cheese!
10. Q: Why was Bond’s suit so wrinkled? A: Because he was in a tight spot!
11. Q: What’s Bond’s favorite type of movie? A: Spy thrillers!
12. Q: Why did Bond go to the hardware store? A: To get some license to drill!
13. Q: What do you call Bond’s favorite breakfast cereal? A: Agent 007 Flakes!
14. Q: Why did Bond keep hiring new secretaries? A: Because he always had a revolving door policy!
15. Q: What’s Bond’s favorite type of puzzle? A: Crossword puzzles!
16. Q: Why did Bond get a new car? A: Because his old one was a license to thrill!
17. Q: What do you call Bond’s favorite fruit? A: Undercover bananas! 🍌
18. Q: Why did Bond take a yoga class? A: To improve his spy-nality!
19. Q: What’s Bond’s favorite type of coffee? A: Double-0-espresso!
20. Q: Why was Bond’s car always so clean? A: Because he had a license to wash!

Moonraker: Bond Puns That Are Out of This World

1. What do you call a lunar spy? A Moonraker!
2. Why couldn’t the Bond villain escape from the moon? Because he was gravity challenged! 🚀
3. What’s the difference between James Bond and a lunar rover? One drives on Earth, the other on the Moon!
4. Why did Bond need a laser beam in space? To cut through the red tape!
5. What do you call a secret agent who’s always getting into trouble on the moon? A cosmic klutz! 🤪
6. How did Bond celebrate his lunar landing? With a big “moon-lit party”!
7. What does James Bond do when he’s bored on the moon? He moons around! 🌚
8. Why didn’t Bond bring a map to the moon? Because he didn’t want to get lost in space!
9. What do you call a Bond villain with a passion for lunar geology? A moon-maniac!
10. Why couldn’t Bond use his Aston Martin on the moon? Because it didn’t have moon-roofs!
11. What’s the best way to get rid of a Bond villain on the moon? Send him to the dark side!
12. How did Bond keep his cool in a lunar ice cave? He used his “cool-fusion” gadget! ❄️
13. What do you call a Bond villain who always tries to steal lunar rocks? A moon-stealer!
14. Why didn’t the Bond villain want to go back to Earth? Because he was “over the moon” with his lunar lair!
15. What’s the difference between Bond and a lunar dust bunny? One is a secret agent, the other is an agent of chaos! 🧹
16. How did Bond defeat the villainous Dr. Moonraker? He used his “anti-moonraking” device!
17. Why did Bond have to use a grappling hook on the moon? Because he couldn’t get a grip on the smooth surface! 🧗‍♂️
18. What do you call a Bond girl who’s always getting kidnapped on the moon? A lunar damsel in distress!
19. Why is it so hard to have a conversation on the moon? Because there’s no atmosphere! 🗣️
20. What’s the difference between Bond and a lunar rover? One drives on Earth, the other on the Moon… and the other has a license to thrill!

Octopussy: Bond Puns That Will Make You Lose Your Tentacles

1. Why did the octopus get in trouble? Because it was caught red-handed!
2. What do you call an octopus that’s always late? A procrast-opus!
3. What do you call an octopus that can’t swim? A sinktopus!
4. Why did the octopus cross the road? To get to the other inkwell!
5. What do you call an octopus with no tentacles? A boneless wonder!
6. What do you call an octopus that’s always on the go? A busy-pus! 🐙😂
7. What do you call an octopus that’s always in a bad mood? A cranky-pus!
8. What do you call an octopus that’s always making jokes? A pun-dit!
9. What do you call an octopus that’s always getting lost? A disoriented-opus!
10. What do you call an octopus that’s always sleeping? A sleepy-pus! 🥱
11. What do you call an octopus that’s always getting into trouble? A trouble-maker-opus!
12. What do you call an octopus that’s always making a mess? A messy-pus!
13. What do you call an octopus that’s always getting into fights? A feisty-pus!
14. What do you call an octopus that’s always eating? A hungry-pus! 😋
15. What do you call an octopus that’s always drinking? A thirsty-pus!
16. What do you call an octopus that’s always singing? A melodic-pus!
17. What do you call an octopus that’s always dancing? A rhythmic-pus!
18. What do you call an octopus that’s always studying? A smart-pus! 🤓
19. What do you call an octopus that’s always doing magic tricks? An illusion-ist-opus!
20. What do you call an octopus that’s always playing video games? A gamer-pus!

A View to a Kill: Bond Puns That Will Leave You Shaken and Stirred

• Q: What do you call a spy who’s always on the lookout? A: A Bond-watcher 🕵️‍♂️
• Q: How do spies tell time? A: They use a watch-and-wait approach. 🕰️
• Q: What do you call a spy who’s really good at finding secrets? A: A double-agent provocateur. ㊙️
• Q: Why did the spy get lost? A: Because he didn’t have a GPS. 🧭
• Q: What do you call a spy who’s always late? A: A procrastinating assassin. 🐌
• Q: What do you call a spy who’s always in a rush? A: A secret agent 00-Fast. 💨
• Q: What do you call a spy who loves to gamble? A: A high-stakes operative. 🃏
• Q: What do you call a spy who’s always getting into trouble? A: A hapless agent. 🆘
• Q: What do you call a spy who’s really good at disguises? A: A chameleon in a suit. 🎭
• Q: What do you call a spy who’s always up for a challenge? A: A daring operative. 🧗‍♀️
• Q: What do you call a spy who’s always getting kidnapped? A: A ransom-able agent. 💰
• Q: What do you call a spy who’s always making mistakes? A: A blundering operative. 🤷‍♂️
• Q: What do you call a spy who’s always on the run? A: A fugitive from justice. 🏃‍♀️
• Q: What do you call a spy who’s always getting into fights? A: A belligerent operative. 👊
• Q: What do you call a spy who’s always using gadgets? A: A high-tech operative. 📱
• Q: What do you call a spy who’s always getting caught? A: A clumsy agent. 🙈
• Q: What do you call a spy who’s always dressed in black? A: A ninja in a suit. 🥷
• Q: What do you call a spy who’s always on the lookout for danger? A: A vigilant operative. 🔎
• Q: What do you call a spy who’s always getting promotions? A: A high-ranking operative. 📈