1001+ Lord of the Rings Puns That Will Make You Cry ‘One Does Not Simply Pun’

“Don’t be a Balrog, let me share some Lord of the Rings puns that’ll make you laugh!Prepare yourself for an adventure through Middle-earth, where laughter echoes through the Prancing Pony and puns reign supreme. Join us on a linguistic pilgrimage as we dive into the depths of punny possibilities, from the Fellowship of the Ring to the Silmarillion.These puns are like hobbits: small and unassuming, but they’ll carry a smile to your face. Prepare your elven ears for a symphony of laughter as we delve into the Two Towers of Puns, where even Gandalf the Grey will chuckle.So, grab your Sting and your sense of humor, and let’s embark on a pun-filled journey through the realms of Tolkien’s beloved creation. May you find joy, laughter, and a newfound appreciation for the wit and whimsy that lies within the pages of The Lord of the Rings!

The Fellowship of the Ring Jokes

1. Why couldn’t Gandalf buy a round of drinks for the Fellowship? Because he was a ring bearer 🧙‍♂️
2. What do you call an elf who’s always late? Legolas behind 🏃‍♂️
3. Why did Aragorn keep getting lost? Because he didn’t have a map to Mordor 🗺️
4. What’s Frodo’s favorite band? Pink Floyd 🎸
5. Why did Sam have to carry the packs for the Fellowship? Because he was the pack mule 🐴
6. What do you call a fellowship of hobbits? A Halfling’s Chance 🤏
7. Why did Gandalf never run out of fireworks? Because he had a sparkler personality ✨
8. What’s Legolas’s favorite type of tree? An arrow-dynamic tree 🏹🌲
9. Why did Frodo have to be so careful when chopping wood? Because he could end up splitting an ax-cident 🪓
10. What do you call an orc who’s always trying to escape? A run-orc 🏃‍♂️🧟‍♂️
11. Why did Gandalf never have to worry about getting wet? Because he had a rain-deer to pull his cart 🦌🌧️
12. What’s Aragorn’s favorite part of a chicken? The knight wing 🍗
13. Why couldn’t Boromir take a nap? Because he was always on the lookout for the One Ring 😴💍
14. What do you call a hobbit who’s always in a good mood? A half-full 🍻
15. Why did Pippin keep getting into trouble? Because he was always in a pipe-line 🚬
16. What’s Gimli’s favorite way to relax? Axe-identally 🪓💆‍♂️
17. Why did Merry and Pippin get stuck in Fangorn Forest? Because they took a wrong turn at Fork-beard’s Rest 🌳🌲
18. What’s Frodo’s favorite type of music? Hip-hop-bit with a rap-ier beat 🎵
19. Why did Gandalf keep losing his glasses? Because he was always looking for the One Ring 👓💍
20. What do you call a fellowship of elves who love to sing? The Alto-riels 🧝‍♀️🎤

The Two Towers of Puns

1. What do you call two buildings that are always arguing? The Two Towers of Puns.
2. Why did the pun-loving architect get lost? He couldn’t find his way to the punchline.
3. What’s the difference between a bad pun and a tower? A tower can stand for centuries, but a bad pun will only last a moment.
4. What do you call two wizards who love puns? The Two Towers of Wiz-doms. 🏰 🧙‍♂️
5. Why was the pun-loving knight so good in battle? Because he always knew how to hit the bull’s-eye.
6. What do you call a castle filled with puns? The Pun-geon.
7. Why did the pun-loving farmer get lost in his fields? Because he didn’t know where to turnip.
8. What did the pun-loving musician say after his performance? “That was a-chord-ing to plan!”
9. Why did the pun-loving artist get in trouble? Because he drew outside the lines.
10. What do you call a pun-loving superhero? A pun-fender.
11. Why couldn’t the pun-loving pilot fly his plane? Because he was always crashing into puns.
12. What do you call a pun-loving marine biologist? A pun-guin. 🐧
13. Why did the pun-loving chef get fired? Because he couldn’t stop making corny jokes.
14. What do you call a pun-loving doctor? A pun-doc-tor.
15. Why was the pun-loving teacher so popular? Because he always knew how to keep his students pun-ished.
16. What do you call a pun-loving lawyer? A pun-isher.
17. Why did the pun-loving politician get impeached? Because he couldn’t stop telling corny jokes.
18. What do you call a pun-loving astronaut? A pun-a-naut. 🚀
19. Why did the pun-loving alien come to Earth? Because he heard it was a pun-tastic planet. 👽
20. What do you call a pun-loving ghost? A pun-tential poltergeist.

The Return of the King of Comedy

1. Why did the king comedian go to the bank? To get his royal “pun”ds.
2. What do you call a comedian with a heart of gold? A “pun”en-trator.
3. Why did the comedian cross the road? To get to the other “side” of the joke.
4. What do you call a comedian who’s always making you laugh? A “pun”-derful entertainer.
5. Why did the comedian join the circus? To “clown” around.
6. What do you call a comedian with a sense of humor? A “pun”ny fellow. 😂
7. Why did the comedian get lost in the forest? He couldn’t find the “pun”chline.
8. What do you call a comedian who’s always joking about food? A “pun”ished patissier.
9. Why did the comedian throw a party? To make “pun” of it.
10. What do you call a comedian who’s always making you cringe? A “pun”isher. 🙄
11. Why did the comedian cross the road, then cross it again? To get to the “other pun” side.
12. What do you call a comedian who’s always making puns about animals? A “pun”ster.
13. Why did the comedian get banned from the library? Because he kept “pun”ishing the books.
14. What do you call a comedian who’s always making puns about math? A “pun”decimalizer.
15. Why did the comedian get a degree in psychology? To “pun”derstand his audience.
16. What do you call a comedian who’s always making puns about the weather? A “pun”derbolt.
17. Why did the comedian get arrested? For “pun”ishment.
18. What do you call a comedian who’s always making puns about technology? A “pun”isher.
19. Why did the comedian get a job at the post office? To “pun”ch the clock.
20. What do you call a comedian who’s always making puns about love? A “pun”derful matchmaker. 💖

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Pun-ishment

1. What do you call a hobbit who makes terrible jokes? A pun-isher.
2. Why did the hobbit cross the road? 🧙‍♂️ To get to the other hobbit-hole!
3. What do you get when you cross a hobbit with a bee? 🐝 A honey-hobbit.
4. Why are hobbits such good dancers? Because they have hobbit rhythm!
5. What do you call a hobbit who’s always late? 🐌 A slow-poke!
6. Why did the hobbit get lost in the forest? 🌳 Because he took the wrong turn at Shire-wood!
7. What do you call a hobbit who’s always in a good mood? 🌞 A happy-go-hobbit.
8. Why are hobbits so good at hiding? Because they blend in with the shrubbery!
9. What do you call a hobbit who’s always getting into trouble? 🚨 A naughty-hobbit.
10. Why did the hobbit get a cold? 🥶 Because he went out without his hobbit-coat!
11. What do you call a hobbit who’s always hungry? 🧁 A famished-hobbit.
12. Why are hobbits so good at archery? 🎯 Because they have a keen eye for the target.
13. What do you call a hobbit who’s always making excuses? 🗣️ A blame-hobbit.
14. Why did the hobbit get a sunburn? ☀ Because he forgot his hobbit-sunscreen!
15. What do you call a hobbit who’s always complaining? 🗣️ A grumbling-hobbit.
16. Why are hobbits so good at gardening? 🌷 Because they have a green thumb.
17. What do you call a hobbit who’s always getting lost? 🗺️ A directionally-challenged-hobbit.
18. Why did the hobbit get a speeding ticket? 🚔 Because he was going too fast on his pony!
19. What do you call a hobbit who’s always making messes? 🧹 A dis-hobbit-ganized-hobbit.
20. Why are hobbits so good at baking? 🍞 Because they have a knack for kneading.

The Silmarillion: A Saga of Puns

1. Why was Morgoth the ultimate prankster? Because he loved to play “Valinor Pool” with the Valar!
2. What’s the difference between Melkor and a bad pun? Melkor was truly “evil”!
3. Why did Sauron get fired from his job as a blacksmith? Because his rings were too “precious”!
4. What do you call a Balrog with a bad attitude? A “fiery menace”! 🔥
5. Why did Manwë get in trouble with Varda? Because he was caught “stargazing” at inappropriate hours!
6. What’s Elrond’s favorite game? “Riddles in the Dark”!
7. Why did Feanor get kicked out of the Noldor? Because he was too “hot-headed”!
8. What do you call a group of Silmarils? A “gleaming constellation”! ✨
9. Why did Beren have to go through so much trouble to get a Silmaril? Because it was a “precious jewel”! 💍
10. What’s the difference between the Silmarillion and a good joke? One is a tale of sorrow and loss, and the other gets a “ha ha”!
11. Why did Fingolfin get lost in Angband? Because he was following a “Morgoth maze”!
12. What do you call a Maia who loves to tell jokes? An “Ainur humorist”!
13. Why did Eärendil get a sunburn? Because he “sailed” too close to the Sun!
14. What’s the difference between a Quendi and a pun aficionado? A Quendi “dwells in Middle-earth,” while a pun aficionado “jokes in Middle-pun”!
15. Why did Sauron’s army lose at the Battle of the Five Armies? Because they were “outnumbered”! ⚔️
16. What do you call a hobbit who loves to make puns? A “Took-ish” joker!
17. Why did Gandalf refuse to play chess with Sauron? Because Sauron always “pawned” his pieces!
18. What’s the difference between the Silmarils and a good pun? A Silmaril is a “shining jewel,” while a pun is a “gem of wordplay”!
19. Why did the Ents love to hear puns? Because they were “rooted” in tradition! 🌳
20. What do you call a Maia who is always making puns? A “punslinger”!

The Children of Húrin: A Tale of Dark Puns

1. Why couldn’t Húrin hold a tune? Because he was always off-key.
2. What did Húrin say when he saw Morgoth’s army? “Oh Morgoth! This is a horde-ible situation.”
3. Why did Túrin call himself “the Blacksword”? Because he was always getting in trouble.
4. What did Nienor call the giant eagle that carried her away? “Uber-eagle.”
5. Why did Húrin refuse to join the Valar? Because he didn’t want to be a “Valar-t.”
6. What did Túrin say when he lost his sword? “I’m so sword-y.”
7. Why did Morgoth love playing poker? Because he was always getting a “full house.”
8. What did Húrin say when he saw Fingolfin fighting Morgoth? “Fingolfin’s going to get his elf handed to him.”
9. Why did Túrin always get lost in the forest? Because he was following the Elven-paths.
10. What did Morgoth say when he heard about the Nirnaeth Arnoediad? “Nirnae-thing to do.”
11. Why did Húrin never get married? Because he was always “dating” himself.
12. What did Fingon say when he saw Morgoth’s Black Breath? “That’s just smokin’!”
13. Why did the Orcs always lose at hide-and-seek? Because they were always “Orc-ing around.”
14. What did Morgoth say when he saw the Sun rise? “Sunscreen!”
15. Why did Húrin always wear a helmet? Because he didn’t want to get a “brain freeze.”
16. What did the Ents say when they saw Morgoth’s army? “Tree-mendous!”
17. Why did the Elves always sing so beautifully? Because they had “Elven-gagement.”
18. What did Túrin say when he saw Morgoth’s Balrogs? “Balroggin’ around!”
19. Why did Húrin never get a promotion? Because he was always “Morgothing” around.
20. What did Morgoth say when he heard about the War of Wrath? “Wrath-a-thon!”

The Fall of Gondolin: A Tragedy of Epic Puns

• What do you call a Balrog that loves to party? 🔥 A fire-cracker!
• Why was the Nazgûl so good at basketball? 🏀 Because it was an expert at wraith-ing in shots.
• What do you call an Elf with a low IQ? 🧝‍♀️ A slow-lórien.
• Why didn’t the Orcs want to play Go? 🎲 Because they were afraid of taking Sauron turns.
• What did the Ent say when it won a race? 🌳 “I am Groot!”
• Why did Gandalf get lost in the Misty Mountains? 🌫️ Because he couldn’t find his way in the fog.
• What do you call a Hobbit who’s always late? ⏰ A Shire-slacker.
• Why did Legolas have so many fans? 🏹 Because he was a true archery-type.
• What did the Fellowship say when they ran out of food? 🍞 “We’re toast.”
• Why didn’t the Dwarves join the Fellowship? ⚒️ Because they were too busy mining for gold.
• What do you call a group of Hobbits who love to sing? 🎶 A hobbit-choir.
• Why did the Gondorian archers always hit their targets? 🎯 Because they had eagle-eye.
• What do you call a Ranger who’s always getting lost? 🗺️ A stray-der.
• Why did the Orcs hate the Elves? 🧝‍♀️Orc Because they were always tree-huggers.
• What do you call a Fellowship that’s always arguing? 🗣️ A debate-club.
• Why did the Balrog get kicked out of the Dark Tower? 🔥 Because it was too hot-tempered.
• What do you call a Hobbit who loves to read? 📚 A book-worm.
• Why didn’t the Uruk-hai like to go to school? Orc Because they hated learning Orc-ish.
• What do you call a Wizard who’s always making mistakes? 🧙‍♂️ A miss-spell-caster.
• Why did the Nazgûl always get lost? 👻 Because they had no GPS.

Beren and Lúthien: A Love Story with a Twist of Pun

1. Why did Beren and Lúthien never get lost? Because they had a “Silmarillion” for direction. 🌲
2. What did Beren say to Lúthien when he finally found her? “You’re the Luthien I’ve been looking for!” ✨
3. Why did Beren and Lúthien need a love spell? Because their relationship was a “bag of Gorlim’s.” 😅
4. What do you call a Beren who’s always late? A “Tar-Calion.” ⌛
5. Why did Beren have such a hard time asking Lúthien’s father for her hand? Because he was a “Dior of the House of Thingol.” 💍
6. What did Lúthien say to Beren when he asked her to marry him? “I’m the ‘Lúthien’ of your dreams!” 😍
7. Why did Beren and Lúthien name their first child “Dior”? Because they wanted him to be a “Jewel of the Silmarils.” 👶
8. What do you call a Beren who’s always bragging about his love for Lúthien? A “Thingol of Beren.” 😏
9. Why did Lúthien’s father give Beren an impossible quest? Because he wanted to “test his metal.” 🔥
10. What did Beren say to Lúthien when they finally escaped from Angband? “We made it out by the ‘skin of our teeth’!” 🦷
11. Why did Beren and Lúthien’s love story end in tragedy? Because they “crossed the Bridge of the Ard-Galen.” 🌉
12. What do you call a Beren who’s always getting into trouble? A “Húrin of Beren.” ⚔️
13. Why did Beren and Lúthien never have any children after Dior? Because they were “childless in the Silmarillion.” 👶🚫
14. What did Lúthien say to Beren when he asked her to help him steal the Silmaril? “You’re ‘hound of my heart’!” 🐶❤️
15. Why did Beren and Lúthien’s love story become so popular? Because it was a “tale of Beren and Lúthien.” 📚
16. What do you call a Beren who’s always losing his way? A “Lost-in-Doriath Beren.” 🌳🌲
17. Why did Beren and Lúthien’s love story have a “happy ending”? Because it was a “Song of Beren and Lúthien.” 🎶
18. What did Beren say to Lúthien when he proposed to her? “Lúthien, ‘yes’ you will marry me?” 💍😅
19. Why did Beren and Lúthien’s love story make such a “splash”? Because it was a “Tolkien of a love story.” 🌊📚
20. What do you call a Beren who’s always arguing with Lúthien? A “Turgon of Beren.” 🔥⚔️

The Lay of Leithian: A Ballad of Puns and Sorrow

• What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
• Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! 😂
• What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
• Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
• What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
• Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
• What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
• Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one.
• What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
• Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired! 🚲
• What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
• What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
• Why did the computer go to the chiropractor? It had a byte in its back.
• What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
• Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
• What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
• Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.
• What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
• Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.

The Ainulindalë: A Symphony of Puns

1. What do you call a group of elves playing music? An Ainulindalë orchestra!
2. Why did the Vala throw a party? To celebrate the Ainulindalë’s release! 🎵
3. What’s the difference between the Ainulindalë and a bad joke? One’s a symphony of puns, and the other’s just a symphony of groans. 🤦‍♂️
4. Why did the Ainur stop playing? Because they reached the crescendo! 🎶
5. What do you call an elf who’s always late to the Ainulindalë? A “Melkor-dian” tardy! 🕰️
6. Why did the Ainur need such a large harp? To play all the chords of creation! 🎵
7. What’s the Ainulindalë’s favorite genre of music? Baroque and roll! 🎸
8. Why did the Valar enjoy the Ainulindalë? Because it was truly “heavenly”! 👼
9. What do you call an Ainur who’s always messing up? A “discord-ant” musician! 🎶
10. Why did the Ainur take a break from the Ainulindalë? Because they needed a “rest”! 💤
11. What do you call an elf who’s really good at playing the Ainulindalë? A “virtu-elf”! 🎻
12. Why did the Ainur have to practice the Ainulindalë so much? Because it was a “note-worthy” performance! 📝
13. What do you call a group of Ainur who are always arguing? A “caco-phony”! 🤬
14. Why did the Ainur start a band? Because they wanted to “rock” the heavens! 🤘
15. What do you call an Ainur who’s always getting lost in the Ainulindalë? A “scale-y” musician! 🗺️
16. Why did the Ainur bring their instruments to the Ainulindalë? To “tune” in to the symphony! 🎵
17. What do you call an Ainur who loves to play fast? A “speed-metal” musician! ⚡️
18. Why did the Ainur need a conductor? To keep the “beat”! 🥁
19. What do you call an Ainur who’s always making mistakes? A “flat” musician! 🎹
20. Why did the Ainur decide to play the Ainulindalë? Because it was a “divine” inspiration! 😇

The Valaquenta: A Pantheon of Punning Deities

1. The celestial pun-sters are an Elysian pun-theon.
2. Zeus, the head honcho of the pantheon, is a real thunder-puncher.
3. Poseidon, the god of the sea, is always making waves with his puns.
4. Hades, the lord of the underworld, is a real pun-dertaker.
5. Artemis, the goddess of the hunt, is always on the prowl for puns.
6. Athena, the goddess of wisdom, is a real pun-dit.
7. Aphrodite, the goddess of beauty, is always making puns that make you blush.
8. Dionysus, the god of wine, is always making puns that make you want to crack a smile.
9. Apollo, the god of music, has a punny repertoire that’s always in tune. 🎶
10. Ares, the god of war, is always ready to pun-dertake any challenge. 💥
11. Hermes, the messenger god, is always quick to deliver a pun.
12. Hestia, the goddess of the hearth, is always cooking up some puns.
13. Demeter, the goddess of agriculture, always has puns that are ripe for the picking.
14. Hephaestus, the god of fire, is always forging puns that are hot off the press. 🔥
15. Hera, the queen of the gods, is always ready to serve up a pun-ishment.
16. Eros, the god of love, always has puns that will make your heart skip a beat. 💕
17. Nike, the goddess of victory, is always ready to pun-ish her opponents. 🏆
18. Thanatos, the god of death, is always ready to pun-ish you for your sins. 💀
19. Hypnos, the god of sleep, is always ready to put you to sleep with his puns. 😴
20. Nemesis, the goddess of divine retribution, always has the last pun. ⚖️

The Quenta Silmarillion: A History of Puns

1. What do you call an Elf with a drinking problem? A Legolas!
2. Why did the Balrog get a cold? Because he was always 🔥.
3. What do you call a Maia who loves to gamble? A Sauron stakes! 💎
4. What’s the difference between an Elf and a Dwarf? An Elf is always up for a game of earwax! 👂
5. Why did the Ents get lost? Because they didn’t have a tree-GPS! 🌳
6. What do you call a Hobbit with a fear of heights? Frodo the Chicken! 🐔
7. Why are Orcs so bad at basketball? Because they always foul! 🏀
8. What’s the difference between Frodo and a vacuum cleaner? One sucks wind and the other sucks! 💨
9. Why did Gandalf get fired? Because he was a wizard! 🧙‍♂️
10. What do you call an Elf who’s always late? Legolas-on-time! ⌛
11. Why are Ents such good dancers? Because they have tree-mendous rhythm! 💃🕺
12. What do you call a Hobbit who’s always sleepy? Snoozy Baggins! 😴
13. Why did the Balrog get a haircut? Because he was feeling a little 🔥.
14. What do you call a Hobbit who’s always getting lost? Bilbo Baggins-around! 🧭
15. Why did the Elf get a library card? Because he wanted to check out some books! 📚
16. What do you call an Orc who’s always bragging? A Mordor-mouth! 🤐
17. Why did the Nazgûl wear black robes? Because they were mourning the loss of their fellowship! 👻
18. What do you call a Hobbit who’s always running late? Frodo Baggins on Time! ⏰
19. Why did the Ents get angry? Because they were treed off! 😡
20. What do you call an Elf who’s always getting into trouble? A mischief-maker! 😈

The Akallabêth: The Downfall of Númenor, as Told Through Puns

1. Ar-Pharazôn was so old, he could remember when the Númenóreans first “set sail” 🌊.
2. The Akallabêth was a “downfall” in more ways than one. 📉
3. The Númenóreans were so arrogant, they thought they could “challenge the gods” 🔱.
4. Eru Ilúvatar showed them who’s “boss” 👊.
5. The island of Númenor was “sunk” without a trace. 🌊
6. The Númenóreans were “floored” by the tsunami. 🌊
7. The “tide” was against them. 🌊
8. They were “swept away” by the waves. 🌊
9. The “current” situation was dire. 🌊
10. They were “drowning” in their pride. 💦
11. The “sea” was their doom. 🌊
12. They were “shipwrecked” on the shores of despair. 🚢
13. The “oars” were useless against the storm. 🌊
14. Their “sails” were torn to shreds. 🌬️
15. They were “cast adrift” at the mercy of the ocean. 🌊
16. The “helm” was lost, and there was no one to steer. 🚢
17. The “anchor” of their hope was gone. ⚓
18. They were “tossed and turned” by the relentless waves. 🌊
19. The “darkness” closed in around them. 🌑
20. They were “lost” in the vast expanse of the sea. 🌊

The Appendices: A Treasure Trove of Puns

1. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? 😐
2. A pouch potato! 🥔
3. Why did the appendix get lost?
4. Because it didn’t have a map! 🗺️
5. What do you call an appendix that’s always in trouble?
6. A pain in the abdomen! 😳
7. Why did the appendix join a choir?
8. Because it wanted to sing “Hallelujah!” 🎶
9. What do you call an appendix that’s always complaining?
10. A whiny appendix! 😔
11. Why did the appendix cross the road? 🐓
12. To get to the other appendix! ↔️
13. What do you call an appendix that’s always late?
14. A slowpoke appendix! 🐌
15. Why did the appendix get a job as a comedian?
16. Because it’s full of appendix jokes! 🎭
17. What do you call an appendix that’s always getting into fights?
18. A pugnacious appendix! 🥊
19. Why did the appendix get a tattoo?
20. Because it wanted to be a little more appendectomy! 💉