111+ Legal Puns That’ll Make You Argue for Laughs!

Have you ever heard the one about the lawyer who walked into a courtroom with a turtle on his head? Or the one about the lawyer who went to the hairdresser to get a perm? If you’re a fan of lawyer jokes, then you’re in the right place. We’ve compiled a list of some of the best legal puns out there, so sit back, relax, and enjoy.Lawyers are often seen as serious and humorless, but that’s not always the case. In fact, many lawyers have a great sense of humor. Just check out these puns! They’re sure to make you laugh.So, if you’re ever feeling down, just remember these lawyer jokes. They’re sure to put a smile on your face. And if you’re ever in need of a lawyer, be sure to hire one with a sense of humor. After all, laughter is the best medicine.Now, without further ado, here are some of the best lawyer puns:

A lawyer walks into a courtroom with a turtle on his head.

1. The lawyer’s case was so airtight, he had to rely on his turtle for a second opinion.
2. The turtle was a witness to the crime, and he swore to tell the turtle truth.
3. The judge ordered the turtle to be placed in witness protection because he was so slow.
4. The opposing attorney objected to the turtle’s testimony, claiming it was hearsay.
5. The lawyer replied, “Your Honor, my client is simply trying to keep his head above water.”
6. The turtle took a deep breath and said, “I swear to tell the turtle truth.” 😂
7. The jury was so moved by the turtle’s testimony, they found the lawyer not guilty.
8. The lawyer thanked the turtle for his help, saying, “You saved my shell.”
9. The turtle replied, “No problem, I’m just glad I could help you cross the finish line.” 🏁
10. The judge adjourned the court, saying, “This has been the most turtle-y ridiculous case I’ve ever seen.”
11. The lawyer and the turtle walked out of the courtroom, laughing all the way to the bank. 💰
12. The turtle decided to open his own law firm, “Shell Yeah Law Firm.”
13. His motto was, “We’ll fight for your rights, even if it takes us all day!” 🐢
14. The turtle’s first client was a snail who had been arrested for jaywalking.
15. The turtle argued that his client was innocent, because he was simply trying to make it to court on time.
16. The judge agreed, and the snail was released on his own recognizance.
17. The turtle’s law firm became so successful, he had to hire a secretary. 🐌
18. The secretary was a tortoise, and she was always running late. ⏰
19. The turtle would always say to her, “Don’t rush, we’re on turtle time here.”
20. The tortoise would reply, “That’s all well and good for you, but I’m on my way to a hare appointment!” 🐇

Why did the lawyer go to the hairdresser?

1. To get a perm-anent injunction.
2. To get a dye-verse opinion on his case.
3. To get a braid-ing on his contracts.
4. To get his hair straightened out. 💇‍♀️
5. To get a cut above the rest. ✂️
6. To sue for defamation. 👩🏼‍⚖️
7. To get a curl-ing ironclad case. 💪
8. To get a shear-ing in his debt. 💰
9. To get a blow-out from the judge. 💨
10. To comb over his legal fees. 💁‍♂️
11. To get a hair-raising experience. 😱
12. To get a split end to his marriage. 💔
13. To get a buzz cut after a bad day in court. 👋
14. To get a perm-ission to practice law. 🧑‍🎓
15. To get a hair-splitting argument with his opponent. 辩论
16. To get his hair dyed pro bono. 💰🆓
17. To get a head start on his legal career. 🏃‍♂️💼
18. To get a hair-itage of legal knowledge. 📚👨‍🎓
19. To get a scalp-el to dissect a case. 🔬
20. To get a wave-er of his fines. 💸🌊

What do you call a lawyer with no clients?

1. A lawyer without clients? A former lawyer. 😉
2. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a good lawyer? About a quarter of a million dollars.
3. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the other “side.” 🍗
4. What do you call a lawyer who’s always late? An attorney at law. ⚖️
5. What do you call a lawyer who only defends criminals? A criminal attorney. 👮‍♂️
6. What do you call a lawyer who’s always arguing? A legal eagle. 🦅
7. What do you call a lawyer who’s always getting into trouble? A bar exam flunkee. 🎓
8. What do you call a lawyer who’s always losing cases? A public defender. 👨‍⚖️
9. What do you call a lawyer who’s always bragging? A self-promoter. 📣
10. What do you call a lawyer who’s always sleeping? A dream weaver. 💤
11. What do you call a lawyer who’s always buying drinks? A “thirsty” advocate. 🍹
12. What do you call a lawyer who’s always on the go? A traveling attorney. 🛫
13. What do you call a lawyer who’s always in court? A fixture in the courtroom. 🏛️
14. What do you call a lawyer who’s always getting fired? A “disbarred” attorney. 🚫
15. What do you call a lawyer who’s always making mistakes? A “bonehead” in a suit. 🦴
16. What do you call a lawyer who’s always taking the easy way out? A “lazy” lawyer. 😴
17. What do you call a lawyer who’s always breaking the law? A rogue attorney. 🚨
18. What do you call a lawyer who’s always getting into fistfights? A “brawler” with a brief. 👊
19. What do you call a lawyer who’s always getting caught in lies? A “fabricator” in a robe. 🤥
20. What do you call a lawyer who’s always defending the indefensible? A “hopeless” advocate. 🙃

Why did the lawyer get fired?

• Because he couldn’t keep his case together. 😎
• Because he was always finding loopholes. 😅
• Due to conflicts of interest, he was disbarred.
• He was dismissed because he was too brief.
• For objecting too frequently, he was grounded.
• He got fired because he was constantly getting into hot water. 🥵
• He was terminated for making too many appeals.
• Because he was found guilty of malpractice.
• He lost his case because he couldn’t find a good defense.
• He was fired for failing to file his paperwork on time.
• Because he was too litigious.
• He was dismissed because he was always getting into arguments.
• He was fired for being too judgmental.
• Because he was always trying to argue his way out of things.
• He was terminated for making too many motions.
• Because he couldn’t handle the pressure.
• He was fired for being too unprofessional.
• Because he was always making jokes in court.
• Because he was caught sleeping during a trial.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

1. One is a bottom-dwelling fish, and the other is a bottom-feeding shark.
2. They both have a “hook” that they like to use.
3. One makes a lot of noise when it’s in “court,” and the other makes a lot of noise when it’s “catfishing.”
4. Both can be a pain in the “bass.”
5. When one gets into a “reel” problem, it usually has to hire the other.
6. Both are known to “scale” their fees depending on the client.
7. One can “defend,” and the other can “de-bait.”🐟
8. One wears a “suit,” and the other has a “jacket.”
9. Both can be “ev-eel” at times.
10. One can “object,” and the other can “fish-ject.”
11. One works in a “pond,” and the other works in a “courtroom.”
12. Both have a “case” to make.
13. One can “grill” the witness, and the other can “grill” the fish.
14. Both can “present their case.”
15. One can “catch” the criminal, and the other can “catch” the fish.
16. Both can “plead” with the judge, or “plead” with the fisher.
17. One can “sentence” the criminal, and the other can “sentence” the fish to be eaten.
18. Both can “appeal” the decision.
19. One can “remand” the criminal, and the other can “remand” the fish to the water.
20. Both can “release” the criminal or fish.

Why did the lawyer cross the road?

• To sue the other side!
• To defend his client from a jaywalking charge. ⚖️
• To file a motion to dismiss a traffic ticket.
• To get to the other side of the courtroom.
• To cross-examine a witness.
• To take a deposition. 📝
• To serve a subpoena.
• To file an appeal.
• To get a continuance. 📅
• To enter a guilty plea.
• To waive his right to a speedy trial.
• To introduce new evidence. 🔎
• To object to the opposing counsel’s line of questioning.
• To make a closing argument.
• To have his client’s verdict overturned on appeal.
• To get paid. 💰
• To retire. 🏝️
• To become a judge. 👩🏻‍⚖️

What do you call a lawyer who’s always arguing?

1. A disbarred attorney
2. A billable hour
3. A non-refundable retainer ⚖️
4. A guilty pleasure 👮‍♂️
5. A plea bargain basement
6. A sentence enhancer
7. A jailhouse lawyer
8. A ‘law and order’ly conduct
9. A legal loophole 🕳️
10. A ‘case of the Mondays’
11. A ‘brief’ meeting
12. A ‘motion to dismiss’ unhealthy food 🍟
13. A ‘jury of your peers’ who always pick the wrong side
14. A ‘verdict’ that’s worth more than its weight in gold 🏆
15. A ‘bench warrant’ for a seat at the best restaurant in town
16. A ‘retainer’ that keeps your teeth in place
17. A ‘lawsuit’ that’s as long as a highway 🛣️
18. A ‘legal beagle’ who’s always barking up the wrong tree
19. A ‘legal eagle’ who’s always soaring too high 🦅
20. A ‘justice of the peace’ who’s always making a mess 🚧

Why did the lawyer get lost?

1. Because he took the wrong case.
2. He got turned around in the statute of limitations.
3. He couldn’t find the “legal” way out.
4. His GPS kept telling him to “plead guilty.” 🗺️
5. He was “mis-directed” by a crooked cop. 🚨
6. He forgot to bring his “case map.” 🗺️
7. He got “hung up” on a technicality. ⚖️
8. He was “objected” to at every turn.
9. He got “lost in translation” when reading the Latin legal terms. 📖
10. He went down a “dead-end” alley. 🚫
11. He took a “wrong turn” at the courthouse. 🏛️
12. His “case” was dismissed due to lack of evidence. 🤷‍♂️
13. He was “jailed” for not following directions. 👮‍♂️
14. He got “lost in the system.” 💻
15. He was “summoned” to the wrong courtroom. 📣
16. He “cross-examined” himself and got confused. 😵
17. He couldn’t find the “key” to his case. 🔑
18. He was “cited” for illegal parking in the jury box. 🚗
19. He got “lost in the weeds” of legal jargon. 🌿
20. His case was “adjourned” because the judge was lost too. 👨‍⚖️

What do you call a lawyer who can’t think on his feet?

1. A flat-footed attorney
2. A lawyer who’s all tongue tied
3. A counselor with no sole
4. A jurist who’s always getting tripped up
5. A legal beagle who’s always barking up the wrong tree
6. A barrister who’s always on the wrong side of the law
7. A solicitor who’s always getting lost in the paperwork
8. A magistrate who’s always making bad decisions
9. A judge who’s always getting the gavel down
10. A prosecutor who’s always losing their case
11. A defense attorney who’s always getting their client convicted
12. A legal aid who’s always getting their clients in trouble
13. A paralegal who’s always making coffee
14. A lawyer who’s always arguing with their spouse
15. A judge who’s always falling asleep on the bench
16. A prosecutor who’s always getting a kick out of their job
17. A defense attorney who’s always getting a slap on the wrist
18. A legal aid who’s always getting a pat on the back
19. A paralegal who’s always getting a raise
20. A lawyer who’s always getting a promotion

Why did the lawyer take his dog to court?

1. Because he was on trial for being a “paw-yer” 😂
2. To file a “pawsome” lawsuit! 🐾
3. To put the “paw” on the evidence ✋🐾
4. To prove that his dog was the “best friend” in court 🐶🤝⚖️
5. To “paw”nder why he wasn’t getting a fair trial 🐾🤔
6. To get a “pawsome” verdict! 🐶👍
7. To prove that his dog was “unleashed” without a license! 🐶🚫🚗
8. To argue that his dog was “innocent” of all charges 🐶😇
9. To “paw” through the evidence with his furry friend 🐾🔎
10. To prove that his dog was a “paw-sitive” witness! 🐶👍
11. To “sniff” out the truth 👃🐶
12. To “paw”nder the judge’s fairness 🐾⚖️
13. To prove that his dog was a “paw-yer” in crime! 🐶🤝🐾
14. To “paw”sitively win the case! 🐶💪
15. To “paw” through the evidence faster than anyone else! 🐾🔎
16. To prove that his dog was the “top dog” in court! 🐶👑
17. To “paw”nder the jury’s decision 🐾🤔
18. To prove that his dog was a “paw-sitive” influence on the jury! 🐶👍
19. To “paw”sitively win the case! 🐶💪
20. To prove that his dog was the “top dog” in court! 🐶👑

What do you call a lawyer who’s always getting into trouble?

1. A plaintiff attorney
2. Objectionable!
3. A case of malpractice ⚖️
4. A guilty pleasure
5. A barrester with a guilty conscience
6. A lawyer who’s always on the ropes
7. A legal eagle in a dangerous nest 🦅
8. A court-appointed comedian
9. A lawyer with a suspended license 🚗
10. A brief offender
11. A lawyer who’s always facing charges
12. A defendant-ly challenged attorney
13. A lawyer who’s always in contempt of court 🔱
14. A lawyer who’s afraid of the bench ⚖️
15. A lawyer who’s always getting a kick out of life ⚽
16. A lawyer who’s always on the wrong side of the law ⚖️
17. A lawyer who’s always in hot water 💧
18. A lawyer who’s always getting into a pickle 🥒
19. A lawyer who’s always getting into a jam 🎸
20. A lawyer who’s always getting into a sticky situation 🍯

Why did the lawyer change his name to Sue?

1. Because he wanted to be a litigator.
2. To file a class-action lawsuit against himself.
3. So he could say, “Sue me!”
4. To represent himself in a case of mistaken identity.
5. Because he was tired of being known as “John Doe”.
6. So he could be the defendant in his own case.
7. To get out of jury duty.
8. Because he lost a bet and had to change his name to the most common female name.
9. To honor his mother, who was also named Sue.
10. Because he wanted to become a judge and thought it would be easier to remember his name.
11. ❓️ So he could sue himself for malpractice.
12. Because he wanted to be more “appealing” to clients.
13. So he could say, “I’m suing you… and myself!”
14. To make it harder for his clients to find him.
15. Because he was always getting sued and wanted to turn the tables.
16. So he could say, “I’m the only lawyer who can sue himself.”
17. To avoid paying child support.
18. So he could say, “I’m suing you… for being a pain in the neck!”
19. Because he wanted to see if he could get away with it.
20. ❓️ 😂 To make his life more interesting.

What’s the best way to get a lawyer’s attention?

1. Sue them!
2. File a motion to get their attention.
3. Give them a legal summons.
4. Serve them with a subpoena.
5. Throw a writ at them.
6. Hit them with a cease and desist order.
7. 😆 File a restraining order against them.
8. Indict them with a grand jury.
9. Send them a letter of demand.
10. File a complaint with the bar association.
11. Hire a process server to serve them with papers.
12. Retain a lawyer who specializes in getting lawyers’ attention.
13. Use a megaphone to shout your case outside their office.
14. 😜 Paint a giant sign on your lawn that says “Need a lawyer?”
15. Create a catchy jingle about your legal problem and sing it outside their window.
16. Host a protest outside their office with a sign that says “We want justice!”
17. Send them a gift basket full of legal documents.
18. Dress up in a costume like Lady Justice and stand outside their office.
19. Hire a skywriter to write “Sue me!” in the sky above their office.
20. Start a social media campaign to raise awareness about your legal issue and tag the lawyer.

Why did the lawyer quit his job?

1. He couldn’t handle the case load.
2. He lost his brief-case and had nothing to argue with.
3. He got tired of all the legal-ease.
4. He had a falling out with his client.
5. He couldn’t stomach the puns in the courtroom. 🍔
6. He wanted to pursue a more just-ice career. ⚖️
7. He had too many clients who were full of hot air. 🌬️
8. He couldn’t handle the high costs of litigation. 💰
9. He realized he was better at breaking the law than upholding it. 🚔
10. He decided to become a stand-up comic instead. 🎤
11. He couldn’t keep up with the changing legal landscape. 🏞️
12. He got bored with all the paperwork. 📝
13. He wanted to spend more time with his family. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦
14. He realized he was better at arguing in favor of puns than in favor of his clients. ⚖️🙂
15. He wanted to pursue a career where he could make a real difference. 🌍
16. He decided to become a legal advisor for a comedy club. 🎭
17. He couldn’t handle the stress of dealing with so many guilty clients. 😰
18. He wanted to pursue a career in puns-ishment law. 👮‍♂️
19. He realized he was better at making jokes than at making legal arguments. 🤡
20. He wanted to start his own law firm specializing in puns. 事務所

Bruna Silva

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